How this truth became known to me is as
bizarre as my toddlerhood.
A feverish compulsion to write and paint would
overcome me throughout my life which bore clues to my vile toddlerhood without
my conscious awareness. I would fail to see these clues for 50 years. To date,
I have written psychological thrillers, screenplays, short stories and children’s
books. I kept a diary for 11 years giving an in depth account of
my life growing up in the cottage where my abuser once lived when I had
been 3. I also painted countless oil paintings, some of which bear secret
messages that bubbled up from the horrors stowed within my subconscious. These include hidden messages within my artwork of a railway tunnel and a derelict barn.
I have now written an account of how I discovered the
truth within my book Mirror Image Shattered.
“Episodes of a sick terror used to afflict my deepest
childhood. I clung to Mum for a portion of her sanity, obsessed by the notion
of being stifled and tortured. My brain yielded nothing but impressions of
empty rooms and dust-motes glimmering against the bedroom window.”
For 50 years, I had believed my intrusive thoughts
were attributed to a chaotic, dysfunctional family of warring parents and Dad’s
mental illness. In fact, something bizarre and horrific has happened to me of
which I had remained unaware for almost 5 decades. I wish to share my
incredible true story in the hope of offering some insight into how trauma has
impacted upon the psychology of a young child and the adult.
This is not a biography or a family chronicle, but
describes a 50-year-old fissure running through the heart of my life, fuelled
by traumatic toddlerhood events.
The subject of this book has been described
accurately. Names of people, places and certain details have been changed in
order to protect identities and I am writing under a pseudonym.
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